you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i now understand why vodka
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
