We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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