It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's blow job season.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
