I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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