i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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