umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
