Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
