That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
