he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
