i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
