then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
