You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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