I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
