also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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