Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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