i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
