There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
