It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
