Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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