You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
