Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
