Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
