If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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