I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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