this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
