Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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