Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
