I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
