My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
