We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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