So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
