my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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