You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
