Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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