I hate your face
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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