So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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