11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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