Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
