Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize