i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize