A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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