His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
