Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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