No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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