i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Screwed.edu
i already hear my dad disowning me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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