i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
