you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
