do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
