I can tuck mytits in my pants
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
