i just made my gag reflex go away.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize