In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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