Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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