His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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