I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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