btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
