I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
