Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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