i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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