Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
