He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
