all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
