I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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