I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
