he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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