shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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