tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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