Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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