Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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