mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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