..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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