you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
