i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
