you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
