He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
