I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
