remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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