I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
