I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
