you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
