My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
