I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
