my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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