How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
