She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
