he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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