hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
