no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
where am i from again
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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